Dear Friends,
Is it worth fighting over? I ask myself this every day. We
all know that a couple that has no fights does not exist. While this statement
is true, I want to say that we should learn to choose our battles. We cannot
just fight over anything and everything as it has become the behavior of some
of us. Marriage is great when two people enter into it with a mutual commitment
to keep it strong no matter what. Most of the time a couple will have
preconceived ideas about who the other is and how married life is supposed to
be, and then reality checks in and that’s when their kingdom can become
divided. A couple needs to ask God to do whatever it takes to keep their
marriage intact, even if it means striking one of you with lightening when you
think about giving it all up! Marriage takes work it’s always not easy and
sometimes we have to learn the hard way. Sometimes differences have become so
huge that you probably thinking how you are supposed to show love to somebody
over and over and over again who constantly continues to hurt and reject you.
Well, you should never at any one point stop loving your spouse because God is
love. You can’t truly love your spouse until you truly understand what love is.
1st Corinthians 13: 4-8 Love is patient, love is
kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it
is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects,
always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
This is the kind of Love that God wants us to share with our
spouses. If you are not married, don’t get married for the wrong reasons and if
you are married, don’t get divorced for the wrong reasons. Don’t just be
concerned about your rights and your needs; don’t be selfish because if you are,
one ends up ruining their spouse’s lives. God made marriage to be for a
lifetime we can’t just get in and out of it like we feel like. We have to keep
our vows to our spouses. We have to beg God to help us be the husband/wife He
wants us to be. Most of the time I have heard people say they will follow their
heart. This is very wrong and I will tell you why we should never at any one
point follow our hearts. The bible says the heart of a man is deceitful above
all things and if we choose to follow our hearts we can be deceived but we have
to lead our hearts to be more like Jesus Christ so that we are able to love our
spouses with the love that God wants us to love them with *UNCONDITIONAL LOVE*
My life in marriage has been a class to learn every day.
Coming from a broken home made me become very emotional and defensive. I saw my
parents fight and I was so scared of marriage. I always told my husband that
any time he would show me signs of being like my dad I will walk out of our
marriage. I was always alert to defend and strike at any point I sensed that my
husband was going to confront me with something he thought we should talk about.
Instead of asking God to help me know when to talk and when to keep quiet, I
picked up fights even when I should not have and we were always in a bad mood. We
could not talk about anything important without getting into a fight. This
would hurt my husband so much and at some point I think he was so frustrated on
what to do he only could not tell me. Whenever my husband tried to tell me how
he felt about something, I would get so emotional and the conversation would
stop. It got to the point we would rather avoid any conversation about us and
talk about anything else. We feared conflict and began to sweep things under
the carpet. This was not healthy for us and whenever we fought, it was a really
bad fight. At one point I remember we argued about finances while in public
transport to the point my husband threw his wedding ring out of his window. We
are still not perfect but we are seeking perfection from God. We want a Godly
marriage and we will hold on to God until he teaches us how to be better
partners for each other. Sweeping things under the carpet is not healthy for
any couple because the day either one explodes then the fight will not be a
good fight. We all ought to discuss things as they are when they are still
fresh in a very Godly manner. The bible tells us we should not let the sun go
down when we are still angry.
We always have a joke in our house that those
days we would not resolve conflict, one used to get in the house and before you
do anything you check around and under the seats, beds etc just in case the
other partner planted a bomb for you to explode! As much as so many people
would not want to come out and share their stories, this is very true in most
marriages and I would just urge us to learn to choose our battles. If it’s not
worth fighting over then let’s not fight because some of this conflicts cost us
so much. Our spouses get hurt because sometimes we say things we do not mean to
say and we cannot get our words back. When we respond with anger, then we do
not only hurt our spouses but we hurt God too. So many unhealthy relationships
exist and so many people are chocked in such relationships. They are busy
trying to see how they can fix their partners than how they can ask God to fix
them to be better partners. For those who are busy trying to fix their spouses,
I have news for you stop fixing what is not broken the person who needs fixing
is you! We all probably don’t know how to be better spouses to our partners but
if we ask God, then He will teach us on how to be one lovely spouse to our
partners because marriage is beautiful
and mine must work!
By Brenda Ochieng
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