What do you do when you have gotten into marriage and it's not what you expected? Do you turn back and go? Do you stay and hope things will be better? At this point most people will want to do what would suite them best. Does this ring a bell in your mind? "You are the change you want to see." This is a quote we probably all know too well but very few of us would practice it in our marriages.If you want to see change in your spouse it has to start with you.We have gotten into marriage hoping that we will change our partners to be another us.I mean, why would two same people marry each other? it would be a boring world if that happened to all of us! At least for me it would be like the end of the world. I don't think i would stand a husband who is talkative because am one talkative lady we would be competing on who says the most like our daughter Janelle and I. We are always competing to talk. I just love my quiet nice husband who listens to all my stories even when they do not make sense. :) Most of the time in marriage we often see the negative things and what our partners are not other than what they are. Learn to count your blessings perhaps you would start by thanking God for a partner even if they are not what you expected.Some people are praying and fasting to get a partner and they are still on the waiting list.It reminds me of the 80/20 rule. How many people leave the 80 and run for the 20 only to discover that: "You don't know what you've got until its gone." I want us to do a simple exercise. Take a blank paper on one side of the paper write positive and on the other side of the paper write negative the start listing all the positive and the negative things about your spouse and in most if not all the time, you will find that the positive out weighs the negative. There is never a perfect person neither is there a percent marriage and trust me if your partner changes to what you want them to become your marriage will fail i would rather they become what God wants them to become.
My husband is a perfectionist am not and sometimes i feel so bad about not being perfect and i try to be perfect but it will only take two days before i get tired of being soooo perfect besides, i think i scare him every time i try to be perfect.Your spouse should love you for who you are and complement you. I hate ironing like HATE ironing i do it because i have to do it but if i had a choice i would just not simply do it but on the contrary, my husband loves ironing and you might think his clothes are new from the shop! Sometimes am like how does he do that? I always tell him he has magic hands he touches your clothes they get life. (Sometimes i tell him God knows i don't like ironing and gave me a husband who loves ironing)After a long time of arguing on ironing, my husband chose to understand me and take it up as an act of love. If my husband irons my clothes then i feel so much loved and i really do appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.Sometime when people tell me am smart 50% of that credit goes to my husband because he has tireless never got tired of doing what i don't like as an act of love. To all of us lets lower down our bench marks on our spouses and love them for who they are lets not be their mothers or their fathers lets just simply be their spouses because marriage is beautiful and mine must work!
By Brenda Ochieng
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