HOW COULD THE MAN I LOVE SO MUCH HURT ME TO THE LAST OF MY BONES?

I sat there waiting she was running late which was so unlike her. A few minutes later my phone rings and yes it was my good old friend Marcela. She told me she needed 10 more minutes then she will join me. Since I had no other appointments, I waited. It didn’t take 10 minutes and she was there! We were all excited to see each other after such a long time. We grew up together in our teens; I remember so well how wonderful we told the stories of how we wanted a Cinderella dress for our wedding. The memories trickled in one by one. Then we fast forward…. And now we are both married to the men we love so much. 

Then she poses and looks right into my eyes, takes a big breath, with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face she asked, “How could the man I love so much hurt me to the last of my bones?” I immediately knew she was in trouble.  I remember thinking in my head only a woman would cry and smile at the same time. Only a woman would cry for what belongs to her, only a woman smiles when she is hurting.

I held her hand and asked if she wanted to talk she slowly nodded her head as she picked her handkerchief from her bag. She then tries to compose her self and said: “No woman in this entire world knows what it takes to love my husband, no woman knows the cost of loving my husband and if they did, they would not be proud to be the other woman in his life. The good memories we had when we first met, the jokes and the walks we always took, the way we went to the park to pray for our lives and that of our children, the promises we gave to each other, the mood swings of carrying the child of the man you truely love, the labor pains of pushing our children reminding yourself you have to make it for your husband’s and your child’s sake, the lonely nights at home when he never came back, never called and if he did was to acusse me of a wrong I did in the past. It hurts and it hurts to the last of my bones” 

At this point, I was trying so hard not to cry because this statement broke my heart. I knew in my heart that marriage is beautiful but how do I tell a woman who is hurting so badly to hold on things will get better? She continued “I want to stay because I love my husband; I want to keep my vows to him, and God hates divorce. I might have done many wrong things but I have never cheated on him.” Still crying, I held her hand and said “Let us pray” and so we prayed in agreement and believed God for His intervention.  I didn’t know where to start from but I picked up a line anyway “How long has this been going on?” She paused for a minute wiped her tears and said “How long this has been going on does not matter what matters the most is that I have chosen to love my husband over and over again and I want you to keep me accountable on this one. I want to love him with no expectations I want to learn to forgive him everyday of my life I want my marriage to be what God wants it to be even though my husband wants out, I will trust in God for a better ending because the end of a matter is better than the beginning.”  She looks at me and smiles again though still crying. I smile back at her and all I could see was the love she had for her husband. She challenged me, even in her distress; she picked out the positive things.

As I sat there, I started to get angry. I remember asking “God where are you in all this?” and a gentle spirit calmed me down I heard this words very clearly and even spoke them aloud to Marcela “Even in your pain I am with you. I am God and that will never change” 

In that moment of anger, I felt God speak to my heart, “Are you really going to be angry yet I have said My grace is sufficient in all things? Where is the grace in that?”

By the time we finished our conversation, my anger had left and I felt appreciative for God’s revelation in me. I knew all things work together for good for those that love the Lord. 

As we’ve interacted with many couples over the past years, there is one missing ingredient that causes a marriage to struggle: grace.

When a marriage is missing grace the entire disposition of the relationship changes.

Little things cause big fights.

Motives are constantly questioned.

Tempers are short and often lost.

Assumptions are always made.

Conclusions are frequently jumped to.

Husbands and wives consistently lead with anger.

The past is always brought up.

The score is always kept.

When grace is missing from a marriage, three words dominate that relationship: You. Owe. Me.

A lack of grace will cause a husband to be furious with his wife for telling him her fears. A lack of grace will cause a wife to notice all that her husband does wrong and not see all he does right.

It is easy to give grace to others and refuse to give it to your spouse. You can’t show grace to someone you are trying to make pay.

If you want to see change and improvement in your marriage, take a few minutes this week to think about how messed up and imperfect you are…and how God loves you anyway. That is grace.

So many couples try to correct their behavior or change their communication patterns, but without grace those changes are temporary and exhausting. Grace is the starting point from which all change is made.

When you connect your heart to the grace of God, it becomes much easier to dispense that grace to the person you love the most.

Today I want to let you know alls well that ends well and all our marriages have and will work in Jesus name. I want you to help us in pray for marriages. Make sure to leave a comment on our blog as we encourage Marcela and many other couples that are struggling in their relationships. Every positive comment counts because you never now if it will save a life. Don’t forget 

MARRIAGE IS BEAUTIFUL AND MINE MUST WORK!

Love you all! Brenda