WHEN A GOOD MARRIAGE ISNT GOOD ENOUGH

What do you do when you have gotten into marriage and it's not what you expected? Do you turn back and go? Do you stay and hope things will be better? At this point most people will want to do what would suite them best. Does this ring a bell in your mind? "You are the change you want to see." This is a quote we probably all know too well but very few of us would practice it in our marriages.If you want to see change in your spouse it has to start with you.We have gotten into marriage hoping that we will change our partners to be another us.I mean, why would two same people marry each other? it would be a boring world if that happened to all of us! At least for me it would be like the end of the world. I don't think i would stand a husband who is talkative because am one talkative lady we would be competing on who says the most like our daughter Janelle and I. We are always competing to talk. I just love my quiet nice husband who listens to all my stories even when they do not make sense. :) Most of the time in marriage we often see the negative things and what our partners are not other than what they are. Learn to count your blessings perhaps you would start by thanking God for a partner even if they are not what you expected.Some people are praying and fasting to get a partner and they are still on the waiting list.It reminds me of the 80/20 rule. How many people leave the 80 and run for the 20 only to discover that: "You don't know what you've got until its gone." I want us to do a simple exercise. Take a blank paper on one side of the paper write positive and on the other side of the paper write negative the start listing all the positive and the negative things about your spouse and in most if not all the time, you will find that the positive out weighs the negative.  There is never a perfect person neither is there a percent marriage and trust me if your partner changes to what you want them to become your marriage will fail i would rather they become what God wants them to become.

My husband is a perfectionist am not and sometimes i feel so bad about not being perfect and i try to be perfect but it will only take two days before i get tired of being soooo perfect besides, i think i scare him every time i try to be perfect.Your spouse should love you for who you are and complement you. I hate ironing like HATE ironing i do it because i have to do it but if i had a choice i would just not simply do it but on the contrary, my husband loves ironing and you might think his clothes are new from the shop! Sometimes am like how does he do that? I always tell him he has magic hands he touches your clothes they get life. (Sometimes i tell him God knows i don't like ironing and gave me a husband who loves ironing)After a long time of arguing on ironing, my husband chose to understand me and take it up as an act of love. If my husband irons my clothes then i feel so much loved and i really do appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.Sometime when people tell me am smart 50% of that credit goes to my husband because he has tireless never got tired of doing what i don't like as an act of love. To all of us lets lower down our bench marks on our spouses and love them for who they are lets not be their mothers or their fathers lets just simply be their spouses because marriage is beautiful and mine must work!

By Brenda Ochieng

INTEGRITY

I repeatedly tell myself that my marriage either works or it works! No one can make it work better other than God himself, my husband and I. I must say this and I stand to be corrected if I am wrong there is nothing at all in this world that can match the beauty of marriage. Marriage is very beautiful in fact, its fanatamaglorious!! This is a word I have borrowed from my husband which simply means fantastic, marvelous and glorious. That’s why I will urge all of us to put effort in our marriages so that each one of us is able to enjoy every bit of it as God intended for us. 

Getting married to Kevin is the best thing that ever happened to me. I appreciate every bit of my marriage season and I pray to God as we draw closer to Him he shall help us be better for each other. At this point some of you are wondering if I have lost my mind or something. Actually I am totally sane right now just for the records. Does it mean that Kevin and I don’t have differences and we do not fight at all? No it only means that most of the time we do fight but even though we fight, we have made a choice to work on our marriage day by day until we are better for each other. We are just 2 normal human begins who have decided to draw nearer to God so that He can make us beautiful for each other. I am more of an extrovert who is talkative, always all over and a happy go lucky kind a lady and my husband is an introvert a quiet and very very organized gentle man and when I say organized I mean every little bit of it. As far as the north is from the south, so is our character and our behavior. We are almost like day and night. This can paint a picture of how much different we are and how a typical fight between the two of us would look like. It has not been easy like it may sound in my story, neither are we perfect but we are learning to aim at God to make us better partners for each other and that’s why we have no choice but to work on ourselves and our marriage until it is as beautiful as Christ Jesus would want it to be. 

Most of the times a lot of marriages break because of integrity. Most people tend to hide a lot of secrets behind their make-up, their wealth, job, careers, cars, cloths etc. Is it right that there should be secrets between two married partners? If you think yes then that beats the fact that love does not keep a record of wrong. Don’t you think so?  Many times a lot of people are struggling with secrets in their marriages and these secrets keep eating and eating them up to the point it breaks their marriage. We should all understand that speaking truthfully and honestly to our spouses will not only help us build our bond with each other but above all it will glorify God. We should learn to say it as it is and be remorseful enough to accept our wrongs, ask God and our partners to forgive us and not defend and find excuses for why we did what we did. Remember that one sin always leads to another and before you know it one finds him/her self too deep into sin hence having too many secrets that will eventually end up breaking your marriage. Let’s learn to open up to each other and be willing to be accommodating enough to forgive and pray for each other so that we can be people of integrity. 

Integrity is not what you appear to be when all eyes are on you, it’s who you are when no one is looking. It’s a level of morality below which you never fall, no matter what’s happening around you. It is high standards of honesty, truthfulness, decency and honor that is never breached. It’s doing for your spouse what you would want them to do for you. A spouse of integrity says something and means it. They don’t play verbal games so you never really know where they stand. They know to let their “Yes” be “Yes” and their “No” be “No” for whatever is more than this is from the evil one. Matt 5:37. They will not play both sides of the fence to please everyone Their Goal is to please God and do what is right. A spouse of integrity will keep their word even if it costs them something to do so. When placed in a possibly compromising situation, they will continue to stand strong in what they believe in. above all we should all be a spouse of truth, one can depend on our solid honesty. You have to be the spouse that stands firm and says my marriage either works or it works!

By Brenda Ochieng